It is not unusual for many people to have a strong desire to achieve something, but then live a life totally contrary to their desire.
It is like they are seeing what they want on the other side of gate and are working hard to find the key that will unlock it. Yet only a small part of the time do they truly believe they will actually find the key...
What we say both out loud and to ourselves ALL the time is vital. We just can't bring about what we want when we only have a strong belief 10% of the time...we must make sure ALL our language is in alignment with what we want.